What If the Shake Weight, Kay Jewelers and Cialis Joined Forces to Make a Holiday Commercial?

Personally, I think the shake weight commercials are some of the most unintentionally funny commercials out right now. Cialis is not too far behind in that regard. Kay commercials make me roll my eyes so much that it appears I have a Linda Blair Complex. So, what if these three teams joined forces to make, what I would refer to as, the ultimate holiday commercial? Let's find out, shall we? This story will include two main characters, Bubba and Chastity.

Setting: The two lovebirds are holding hands, smiling, while on the roof of their house, holding antennas during a thunderstorm.

Bubba: So, baby, do you want to do it?

Chastity: Right now? On the roof? Are you crazy?

Bubba: Come on, you told me to take it tonight.

Chastity: Take what?

Bubba: Cialis. Look at me. I'm ready for once.

Chastity: It's 6:30. We've got to leave. You made dinner reservations for 6:45, didn't you?

Bubba: Yeah, at McDonald's. I wanted to make our ten-year wedding anniversary extra special.

Chastity: Well, it takes 10 minutes to get there. Don't you think we should leave about now?

Bubba: Come on, you know I won't take long.

Chastity: You've got that right.

Bubba: Hey, be nice. Remember, I'm taking you out tonight. Hey, what do you have in your left hand?

Chastity: My shake weight.

Bubba: You take that thing with you everywhere you go. ::rolls eyes::. Alright, let's go.

::the two head to McDonald's, where there is no line and only two other tables have been occupied::

Bubba: Where's the service in this damn place? We've been sitting here for over 15 minutes. I called a month ahead of time for reservations. The least they can do is give us proper service. ::yells up to the front:: Hey, where's our waiter at?

McDonald's Employee, Chip: You have to order up here, sir.

::after ordering and finishing their meals, still seated at their table::

Bubba: So, baby, I know you know I've spent a lot of money here tonight, but I think you deserve even more than the happy meal I got you, so I bought you this... ::busts out the gift box with Kay jewelry inside::

Chastity: One second, honey. I have got to finish this.

Bubba: You brought that thing again? Why?

Chastity: ::going at it with the shake weight in slow motion:: You know how much weight I've lost in the past couple weeks? 50 lbs. and it's all because of this.

Bubba: But, you've hardly eaten these past couple weeks.

Chastity: I know.

Bubba: ...and you had liposuction.

Chastity: I know.

Bubba: So, how could that funny looking thing that vibrates be solely responsible for your weight loss?

Chastity: I just know. It's like, you're a Cubs fan, right?

Bubba: Yeah, you know I am.

Chastity: Well, you know they're going to win the World Series next year, right?

Bubba: Of course.

Chastity: Well, same thing here.

Bubba: So, you have a blind faith in the shake weight? Alright, whatever. Anyway, I'm still ready, baby. It's only been two hours. I still have a couple more to go before I need to call my doctor.

Chastity: Actually, you should probably call the doctor anyway. Until you do so, you might as well not take that Cialis, because you won't be getting anything from me.

Bubba: ::sighs:: Would you at least open this?

Chastity: Okay... ::checks inside the gift box:: Awww, thanks, honey. A lapel pin.

Bubba: Yeah, it cost me 15 big ones.

Chastity: $15,000? Holy crap, honey! How on earth could you afford that?

Bubba: Naw, naw, naw. $15.

Chastity: Oh, okay, well, I think we should go now.

Bubba: Hey, since nothing else will be going on tonight, can I at least have a kiss?

Chastity: Sure. ::quick peck on the forehead::. Alright, cheapo, where'd you park your car?

Bubba: It's a Schwinn.

Chastity: Well, whatever, where is it? It was right here when we went inside, right?

Bubba: Someone must have stolen it.

Chastity: Someone stole our ride, your bicycle, at a McDonald's on our ten-year anniversary?

Bubba: Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. ::calls for a cab and the cab arrives::

Bubba: I don't have any money, but we have this. ::gives him the Kay jewelry::

Cab driver, Jeremiah: Okay, this will do. Hop in.

Chastity: Thanks, honey. You're my hero.

Bubba: I know, herpes and all, I know. ::big kiss::

Every Kiss Begins With Kay...