THPIDICBLN Complex

What do all those letters stand for? The Hard Part Is Done I Can Be Lazy Now. Know anyone who gets like this? In relationships? During tragic times? I'm starting to see it more and more and it's starting to really bother me.

From what I've seen, this complex is most prevalent in relationships and during tragic times in one's life. I'll look at these predicaments separately.

I've seen this a lot with relationships. Ever know someone, a guy we'll say, and he's seemingly the nicest, sweetest, most sincere and genuine boyfriend for the first year. But, then, when the couple gets married, he stops saying and doing what made the gal fall in love with him and say "yes" in the first place. When he gets home from work, he just grabs a can of beer and plops down in front of the television set. All that hard work and effort paid off. He's married now. There's no need nor reason to keep up the hard work and effort. The mission was accomplished. He has now earned the right to be lazy.

Or, how about during tragic times? Before the death of a loved one, the family may be very distant. Some may be on non-speaking terms to one another. But, after the death, they're all there for one another. Those that weren't speaking to each other are close and talking like they were best friends. But, after a couple weeks or so, the family slowly drifts back to where they were before the unfortunate incident.

This seems to be a commonality amongst most people I know. Once the mission is accomplished and two people tie the knot, as it's called, or there's been a time to grieve with one another, they then go back to their normal routines. Why is this? If two people fall in love and get married, they're not getting married to spend the rest of their lives with someone other than the person they thought they fell in love with and got married to, right? They're getting married to the person they met, dated, and fell in love with. If this person changed drastically in either (or both) their words or actions, how would the other maintain the same feelings of love they had for them when they were someone completely different? Why is there such a temporary artificial love displayed in times of tragedy? It seems to bring people together, but only for a short time. Once they shed tears together. Once they hug and hold one another. Once they tell stories they have about the deceased individual, they can let their guilty conscience rest and move on with their lives.

I'm curious on how different this "complex" is in collectivistic cultures, as opposed to an individualistic culture such as ours. It seems to me that in times of tragedy, most of us feel a sense of guilt, wishing we could've been there for them, and feeling that we owe them something. Most people must not have much of a conscience, because after the funeral, the session afterwards, and some time (a couple days) spent with the family, that guilt seems all but vanished.

I ran into this complex just recently. I'd been working long and hard on something for a very long time and throughout that duration, I received plenty of support from friends, family, and loved ones. After it was finished, that support, encouragement, and enthusiasm just wasn't there anymore. They felt as if their duties ceased to be after I completed the task.

I don't want to lecture, but let me tell everyone something. Whether it be a relationship, a tragic incident, an accomplishment of some kind, or something else that requires people to support, love, and come together, that support and love should not pause or stop after one feels they've given what they owe. Love should not be a temporary thing that can be shut off, especially with friends, family, and others close to you. One's duties and responsibilities are not complete until they can do them no more (death). We never know when that time will come, so our support, encouragement, love, and enthusiasm shown to those we love should be shown on a consistent basis, because when that time comes, there will be no going back and no more love or support can we give or receive from these people in our lives.