It's amazing what you can learn about a person after the fact...

For about a year (as of 4 months ago), I was consistently communicating with a female from back home (Omaha). She and I never dated. We just considered ourselves "best friends." We felt comfortable talking to one another about anything, from politics to religion to our pasts to our relationships to our friends and family to our secrets.

I've had some trust issues over the past 7 years, so it's been especially difficult for me to start and establish a genuine, complete friendship with another person. I've been able to make partial friends aplenty and acquaintances, but due to the trust issues and my reluctance in opening up much to another person, it made it very difficult for me to make what one would consider a "best friend". It took a while for me to find fully trust in this person, but once I finally let go, it felt great. It felt nice not being so guarded about opening up on certain things or having to over-analyze things before speaking. However, as of September 18th of 2010, we stopped talking and haven't communicated on any level since that point.

What happened was she developed stronger feelings for me and I felt there might be some potential in that area, but I honestly didn't know how I felt. I knew I loved her as a friend, but with us living so far apart from one another and never having hung out too much while we both lived in Omaha, I didn't feel I could really conclude on the matter until she and I spent some time in person together, to see if our face-to-face chemistry was equivalent to that which we experienced over the phone and online. At the time of this talk, I was one month away from visiting Omaha for a week and a half and I'd return there again two weeks from that point.

Instead of waiting for one month to see if we had potential dating, she set up a date that very afternoon (Monday) for that Wednesday. I was a bit hurt by that move and said I was befuddled by it, because for one to say they have such strong feelings for a person and the same afternoon they talk about waiting a month to see if they have potential dating, only to set up a date that very same day, it made me question if she had any feelings for me on any front. I'd think it'd take longer than a couple hours to get over a person one has strong feelings for.

Our friendship was rocky after that. She went on the date, said she'd wait for me after that and we did spend some quality time together when I was in town that July and August. Not much happened between the two of us on a physical level or anything, but she certainly wanted it to happen. When I finally left in August, I knew deep down that things were not going to end pretty and that they would likely end in the near future. Unfortunately, I was right.

About a month following my second visit in as many months to Omaha, she and I had a very lengthy conversation about where we stood. I mentioned how I felt guilty about making her wait at all for me and said she should be able to go out and date whomever she so chooses, that I didn't know when I'd be moving back to Omaha and I didn't know what was going to occur with regard to my health situation. She responded by repeatedly saying she'd wait for me, saying she didn't want anyone else, etc., etc., etc. In all honesty, I said what I said to try and alter the course of the relationship. I didn't want to date her. After spending time with her in Omaha, I knew that. At the same time, I didn't want to hurt her and took the easy way out by saying what I did about not worrying about me and dating again. Again, she repeatedly kept telling me she'd wait and I was very torn about this. I was flattered that someone would feel so much for me to say this, yet knew deep down that it wasn't going to amount to anything. She and I were just on completely different wavelengths and even though I'm about as laid back as they come, we'd find ways to butt heads. Also, there was too much drama for me, especially with all I had to deal with on the health front. She found ways to twist and turn my words around on me and attempt to guilt me into rushing a decision or giving into her temptation, whatever that happened to be at the moment. After almost every conversation toward the tail-end of our communication, I'd become tired at a certain point and when I get tired, I get quiet. That's how I've always been. I'd tell her this and say I should get to bed and there would then be an awkward silence, followed by her saying, "Why have you been so quiet these past few minutes? What's wrong? Are you mad at me? What did I do?" This was a very regular line of questioning the last month or so of our friendship. I had to explain time and time again that I wasn't mad, that I was just tired. This became too much for me.

A day later, she and I talked for a little while and guess what? She set up another date. A day after she said she'd wait, she set up another date. Once again, while I wasn't so upset that she was dating again, I felt that she was hiding something from me, that she was lying to me about something. I didn't know what it was at the time, but something felt wrong. She then said some things that were none too kind, blamed me for everything that went wrong in the friendship/relationship and I finally let out a big sigh and said, "You know what? I'm done with this. I think it's best if we don't talk for a while, let things settle down and perhaps we can work out a friendship after the dust settles." Of course, she had to send one last nasty text message and a nasty e-mail, blaming me for everything and wishing ill upon me. So, yeah, that was lovely. For a while, I let it get to me. I was constantly questioning my words and actions and contemplating if they were the primary reason things didn't work out between she and I, on any level. Over the past four months, I've slowly been able to rid myself of most guilt which had been instilled in me, but there was still some left over. As is the case most times, it takes two to tango and there's usually fault on both ends of a relationship.

I thought this until just recently. It's kind of funny when one thinks about it. A couple months after we stopped talking, one of her long-time friends e-mailed me. At first, I saw it as just a way for my ex-friend to communicate to me, so I told this friend of her's I really didn't want to partake in that, so I stopped replying to her e-mails. About a month ago, she said she noticed this and said she didn't want to be the middle person for my ex-friend anymore, but was interested in becoming my friend. We've e-mailed one another back-and-forth pretty consistently since then and just recently, she's relayed some news upon me which is very disturbing on one hand, yet leaves me content in an odd way on the other.

I can now honestly say my words and actions were not the reason for things not working between my ex-friend and I. I guess she consistently lied to me for that year, about many things. She was the first person I had trusted in seven years and she told others about secrets of my past. I also found out that during the time she and I were contemplating a relationship, she slept with six different guys in that very span. She even had to get the morning after pill on at least two different occasions, from not being responsible the night before. Two days before we were to have that big talk about what we wanted to do, she slept with a guy. After she set up the date with another guy the same day we were to have a serious talk about us, she slept with him that Wednesday. A couple months before, she had talked about making out with some guy at a bowling alley, staying the night with him and kissing/cuddling with him all night. She was adamant about nothing else occurring. I guess she slept with him too.

She lied to me about numerous other things as well, I've discovered. If I learned about all this when she and I were still talking, I'd be very hurt and upset right now. But, after four months of not talking, all I can do is shake my head and laugh. I can now rid myself of guilt and I now know why I felt something was fishy about her. I knew she wasn't telling me something and now the pieces of the puzzle I couldn't fit into their proper place, I now can.

I'm not even upset about her, how do I put this, being promiscuous. It's her body. She can do with it what she pleases. What does sting a bit is the fact she was so dishonest with me. She knew how long it had taken for me to trust someone again. She even told me that of everyone she has known, I was the most difficult when it came to fully earning her trust. She then claimed that people just trust her and pretty instantly. I now have to laugh at those statements. There was obviously a reason my gut told me not to give in to her on any level and there was a reason why my gut told me something smelled rotten with her story-telling and rationale. I can now move forward without any regrets. I now know I made the right decision in cutting off communication with her and while I did say there would be potential in us attempting to re-establish a friendship, there's no chance that will happen and I have no qualms about that either. It's obvious she was never a genuine friend, she never had genuine feelings for me. She just craved attention on all levels on a constant basis. This is a sign of insecurity on her part and for her children's sake, I sincerely hope she's able to turn things around and put her kid's first in her life, because that's not what she's doing at this point. They're last on the priority ladder, whereas her wants and needs are first, second, third and fourth. My thoughts and prayers are with her for that very reason. As she did with me, I don't wish any ill upon her. I never want to talk to her again, but I really do hope she can find herself, learn to believe in herself and make for a happy household with she and her children.