Is There Ever a Nice Way?

To reject a person? Is there ever a nice way one can go about it? Or are they all equally as harsh? How much can a person euphemize or sugar-coat things surrounding the word no that'll make the other person walk away in smiles, as opposed to tears?

I ask this, because just a few days ago, I was told about a similar situation. A guy asked a gal out sometime and she responded with, "Although I'm flattered by what you have said, I'm not interested in dating you or anyone else right now. You're a very nice guy, very easy to talk to, but more in the friend sense. I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but this is how I honestly feel. I hope that this won't stop you from ever talking to me again."

Supposedly, this gal has a history for dating, well, jerks and allegedly, she told a friend of her's a few months back that she had an interest in this young fellow. So, it indeed came as a big shock to him when she told him all of this. So, this young man talked to her friend, told her the story and the friend replied with, "Well, that was nice, I guess."

What's nice about it? The woman dooms things from the start, with the word "Although." Those are awful words: Although, however, but.

"Although you're a great guy, I just can't date you."

"You're truly a great person, however, you're not my type."

"I'm very flattered by what you said, but I still don't want anything to do with you."

If you are told or written any of those three words after asking a person out, be prepared for rejection!

So, what else was "nice" about it? The compliments on being a nice person and easy to talk to? Oh, sure, rub it in to the guy. He's this and he's that, just not good enough for you, eh? Okay then.

The friends line? Was that "nice?" That she sees him in more of a friend sense? What's nice about that? That's one of the famous cop-outs.

"You know, I just don't think we're meant to be like that. But, I'd love to be friends. Let's be friends. Let's be best friends. Let's be the greatest friends that ever lived. But, nothing more."

So, no, again, rub it in the guy's face. He's great, he's nice, he's easy to talk to, great to be friends with, but, nothing more.

How about that last line? Was that "nice?" That she hoped her answer wouldn't prevent him from talking to her again. What's that? Yeah, let's rub that pie full of salt and spices nice and deep so they burn! Allright, so he's very nice, very easy to talk to, great as a friend, and she hopes they continue to talk. Whoop-dee-doo!

What about the line, "I'm sorry if you're disappointed?" What? Don't be sorry. If she was truly sorry that the guy would be disappointed, she wouldn't have turned him down now, would she have? I'm sorry, but that line can't be said. That's like a potential boss calling a person he just interviewed and saying, "You didn't get the job. I'm sorry if you're disappointed." Whatever, shutup! I don't want to talk to you! ::click::. Disappointment goes without saying. If anyone is rejected from anything, they're going to feel disappointment. As Homer Simpson would say, "Doh!" If someone is rejected from a job, a college, a guy, a girl, whatever, they're going to feel a sense of disappointment. They don't need to read or hear, "I'm sorry if you're disappointed." If they're truly sorry, then send over some money, a new car, a trip to Hawaii, a cruise across Europe. If they're truly sorry, then show it. If they're not truly sorry, which, they're not, then don't say you are!

It's all about easing guilt off of one's conscience. This person's answer was full of those signs. Let me run down the list: 1) The flattering line, 2) Don't want to date anyone right now, 3) the compliments (nice, easy to talk to), 4) I'm sorry if you're disappointed, 5) friends, and 6) I hope this doesn't stop you from talking to me. In a very short response, there are six statements made to ease the guilt off of her own conscience. How sugar-coated can a rejection be?

It doesn't matter how sugar-coated a rejection is, it's still a rejection and will sting just the same, if not worse than it would if the person just said "no." The more a person says in a rejection, the deeper it's going to bury inside one's gut and the more it's going to hurt. Keep it short and to the point. If someone goes all out and says, "No. You're ugly, short, dumb, have crooked teeth, bad breath, an annoying voice, are bad at everything you do. I wouldn't be caught dead ever dating you!" Now, that is the worst rejection letter one can receive. I shortened it down a bit to get to the point. I imagine if someone added more details, this would be one excruciatingly long and painful letter. The one I just noted at the onset of this blog is not as painful, but is still pretty bad. Because, the person just doesn't stop with the sugar-coating. Instead of just saying "No," they have to go on and on about why they're saying no, that they think the other person is nice, and easy to talk to, and would be a good friend, and they hope they'll continue talking, and, and, and, and, and! When it comes to a rejection, don't make it some 8-10 minute speech, because the longer it drags on, the more intense the pain will be felt. Just say, "No, I'm not ready for a relationship right now." Bam. One sentence, 9-10 words long and that's it. If the other starts asking the why's and how come's, then that's when the sugar-coating lingo will come about, so be prepared. But, if you can just handle that one sentence rejection, trust me, you'll be thankful!

Oh, I guess to sum up and answer the question posted in the title, no, there isn't ever a nice way to reject a person. The word "no" will always make its presence known and felt in a rejection, regardless of the words its surrounded by and pain will always be felt because of it. So, keep it short and sweet, and if you're going to reject someone, just say "No!"