A Day of Quote Material

Wednesday was an unusual day, to say the least. It was one of those days where I was out and about for a good chunk of time, yet in the end, I wish I had just stayed in and read a book.

First off, my mother and I went to this local restaurant a little after noon for lunch. They had an item on their overhead menu that read, "Yin Yang Boneless Wings." Never having had any such thing before, I asked the young lady up front what they were exactly. Her response, "Yeah, they're listed right up there." I then reiterated my inquiry, and asked, "No, what are they exactly?" She replied with, "Yeah, we cook them back there," pointing back to the kitchen. At this point, I had to wonder if she graduated elementary school. My mom then butted in and said, "No, what are they? What kind of sauce do they have on them? What do they taste like?" She finally was clued in to what I was muttering in the first place. "Oh, well, they're kind of sweet and sour, but with some pepper." Eloquently stated, I know, but it sure beat the first two responses. My mom and I joked about it when we sat down at the table. Perhaps she was just out of it. Maybe she was high. Maybe it was a combination of the two. But, for some reason, I have to believe this is a common occurrence for her.

Later into the early evening, some friends of mine and I headed to a pub. A friend of mine had told me that their Wednesdays were crazy, with $1 beers, $2 well drinks, and games/prizes were played/given all night. So, I went up to the bar with $3 in hand, $2 for the well drink (rum and coke) and $1 for the tip (a sufficient 50% tip at that). After he made the drink, he said, "That'll be $3.50." Because of what I had been told earlier in the evening, I curiously asked, "It's not $2 tonight?" He responded with and I quote, "Do you have a vagina?" Understanding what he was alluding to (ladies' night), but shocked at how he expressed that, I gave an odd facial expression and said, "What?" He repeated himself, "Do you have a vagina?" At that point, I pondered about stating a wisecrack or two. I had thought about laying down the $2 and saying, "No, but obviously you do. This drink's on me" or "Are you an a**hole?" But, my conscience got the best of me and I elected not to indulge in the potential confrontation. But, I did file a complaint and am getting rewarded for it, in multiple ways. The bartender is getting punished and I'm receiving a gift certificate to the pub. It was the first complaint I'd ever filed. I may have to do that more often! Just kidding...

I attempted to spin the bartender's comment all night, thinking to myself, "Perhaps it could be humorous if I really think about it." But, that didn't happen. In the end, I felt the only way it could work to his credit would be if he and I were long-time buddies or family members, who teased one another on a consistent basis with inside jokes and the like. But, a brand-new customer? It was the first time I'd been there and it had just re-opened a couple months ago. That's not the kind of first impression to leave on a person.

It was a day to forget, but one I will always remember. I've told the bartender story a few times since Wednesday and I've received the same response every time. There's a surprised look on the person's face and they say, "What?" and then laugh, followed by comments such as: "That's crazy!" or "I can't believe that!" Trust me, I couldn't believe that either. It happened two days ago and I still can't believe it occurred.

Moral of the story: Don't ask a stranger about a private part which may or may not be in their possession, for you may get fired due to your head being up your a**.