Matthews, Wolf, Russert, oh my...

The 24-hour news cycles crack me up. Not just the recycling of news throughout the day, but the television personalities.

Wolf Blitzer of CNN is something else, isn't he? First off, the name. Wolf Blitzer. What makes him so special that he should be referred to as Wolf Blitzer? Heck, what does that even mean? It sounds like a defensive formation in football or a blitz package called upon by the defensive coordinator for a linebacker or safety with the last name of Wolf. Does the guy ever get excited? I can't stand the likes of Bill O'Really and Sean Hannity, but at least they'd tick me off as opposed to make me fall asleep. If I'm ever in need of a nap, I just pray that "The Situation Room" is on CNN and I'll be out in a matter of minutes. The guy repeats himself constantly. With that voice and his job (nothing), he's like a hybrid of Ben Stein and Pat Sajak. Speak in a montone voice and tell the contestants what prize they won. It's as simple as that! Also, how many times is he going to refer to his panel as the best group in television? What, does he hope the mere-exposure effect will take place and just because he repeats the phrase 9 times in a half hour, the viewers will begin to believe in the best news team on television? S**t, now he's got me saying it. I don't even know if Wolfy is cognizant of what is transpiring half the time. Earlier today, he was interviewing a CNN contributor, who was stationed at a caucus at Caesar's Palace. Obama supporters were clearly on the right side of the room (our right), as they were chanting...O-bam-a and holding signs with the senator's name and Hillary's supporters were on the left side, as they held up Clinton signs and chanted her name. The CNN contributor even said, "As can clearly be seen, Obama's supporters are over here on the right and Senator Clinton's are on the left." Not even two minutes later, Mr. Blitzer chimes in with, "So, is it safe to say that Obama's supporters are on the right side and Clinton's are on the left?" The best news team in television right there!

How about Chris Matthews of MSNBC? I don't think it'll be possible for he to ever wed, whether it be to a man or a woman. Why? I think he's in love with himself. The guy will not stop talking! I feel sorry for co-hosts, guests, and MSNBC contributors whom have to share air time with this guy. Matthews seems to believe that he's a hybrid of Socrates, Martin Luther King, and Shakespeare. He's a poetic, philosophical, inspiring man and with the more jabber he gives, I'm sorry, offers the American people, the more we can, I mean will, learn. Here's my written impression of a Matthews interview. In this scenario, he'll be interviewing Barry Bonds.

Matthews: Welcome Barry. It's great to have you on the show.

Bonds: Thanks. It's good to be (interruption)

Matthews: Now, Barry, what do you have to say to all of your, for lack of a better word, bashers? (brief pause) There has been talk all around the league, now Congress, and I mean, nationally, all over the country, that you, most likely, played baseball while on some kind of illegal substance, whether that be, HGH, steroids, or whatever? What do you have to say to them?

Bonds: Well, (interruption)

Matthews: Because, I mean, gosh, if I were in your shoes right now, I just don't know what I'd think or do. I can't even imagine, breaking the all-time home run record and all the while I'm making my mark in history, there are allegations running wild that I cheated to help aid me in setting those historic marks.

Bonds: (sighs) Yeah (interruption)

Matthews: I mean, what do you have to say to all of them, to all of us? Because I won't deny it Barry, we, the media, are one of the main culprits in how these rumors spread. Just the other day, I was speaking to commissioner Bud Selig and it was very interesting to hear his insight on steroids in baseball, on your breaking of Hank Aaron's record this past year, and what he was going to do in attempt to tackle this problem. Oh okay, well, I just heard that we've got to wrap this chat up. Thanks a bunch for joining us Barry. Best of luck to you in the future.

Bonds: Thanks for having me on.

Think I'm exaggerating? Watch the guy some time. I can't even imagine this guy being a moderator at a debate. The candidates will need to come more focused than ever, because one question from Matthews may take up to five minutes and the candidate will need to think back to the opening few words of the five minute tangent. If they ask Matthews to repeat, the hour or two-hour long debate may only be able to field one or two questions to each candidate.

So, how did they attain these jobs again? Did they win a bet? Do they have connections? Did both Ben Stein and Pat Sajak put in some good words for Wolf Blitzer while MSNBC needed to fill up an hour time slot for a show which wouldn't slate many guests? I haven't the slightest, but am curious to find out.