Over an Ex?

It's hard to tell sometimes, isn't it? How do we know? Are there certain things we should look out for and if they occur, then we obviously know we're over the ex? Sometimes it's easy to try to hop right back on the cart and stroll around, looking for someone new to date. Why's this? It could be a lot of things: 1) A rebound. After a player misses badly with one shot and he gets his own rebound, it's very tempting to put it right back up to redeem themselves. 2) Revenge. Some feel that by dating someone else right away, they'll somehow be getting back at their ex for whatever happened in their relationship, that somehow, it'll take all the pain that the ex had bestowed upon them. 3) Jealousy. What if the ex finds out? Will that make him or her jealous? Will it make them run back, apologize, and seek your love again? 4) Co-dependence. Some just have a fear of being single. They bounce around from person to person like they are a pinball. Dating someone who's a jerk is better than dating nobody at all in their minds. 5) Denial. Some want to fully believe that they never cared for their ex, so they want to prove themselves this by dating again. I have been guilty of #5 before, but not of the other four, fortunately.

So, how do we know that we're over an ex?

1) We don't bring them up in every conversation we have. Whether the commentary is positive or negative, it still means that the person is thinking about them and a great deal. There's a thin line between love and hate and oddly enough, they're very similar in a way. Whether someone confesses their love for someone or their hate and they do it constantly, then this ex is taking up a great deal of time, energy, and emotion from them.

2) Our emotions steady a bit. Ever notice, especially after an intense, long-lasting relationship, you're bouncing around emotionally from one day to the next? That's pretty common. One day, it'll be a sorrowful tear-filled afternoon, thinking back to all the good times the couple shared. The day after, it may be the direct opposite, and their enraged by all the nonsense they had to go through. The following day, it may be indifference that comes upon them and they just don't seem to care. Once these emotions steady and become more consistent on a day-to-day basis, then that's a very good sign.

3) When we stop comparing every living creature to our ex, then that's a tell-tale sign. If they think about diving into a relationship directly following the break-up, trust me, the date doesn't want to hear constant comparisons between them and the ex. "Oh, you're so much better than (fill in the blank). You're such a (compliment) and (s)he's such a (insult). You're such a better kisser than (f.i.t.b.). (S)he kisses like this (gives demonstration)." Trust me, dates don't want to hear that. Deep down, they know if and when you still have feelings for a person. If you keep bringing that person up, they're going to know how you truly feel. Once you're able to date a person and just focus in on and enjoy the date, without thoughts constantly racing across your mind about the ex, then that's a great sign that you're getting over them.

4) How you react when you see them in person, hear their voice, or even read an e-mail they sent to you can usually be a good indicator of how far you've come. It's especially true if the confrontation is in person or over the phone. It's easier for the mind and body to shrug off those genuine feelings over some typed words than it is when it hears the person's actual voice. If butterflies still persist, great memories come back, and tears start being shed after the conversation ends, then, I highly doubt you're over the person yet. But, if you're able to have a civil, sane, balanced conversation, those butterflies never make their presence known, and you're able to walk off after the conversation like it never even happened, then congratulations! You might officially be over the ex.

5) Things you see or overhear about their life won't bother you anymore. If you hear about a new boyfriend or girlfriend that they have, it won't get to you and you won't be jealous.

6) Seeing or hearing things that reminded you of your relationship or just of him/her won't bother you anymore. When you hear a song, see a sign, see a certain movie on television, it may bring a brief smile to your face as you think back to the time, but then, that's it. There's no sobbing session afterwards. There's no need to call your best friend to talk and cry for a few hours about it. It's just appreciating a fun moment in the past and moving forward.

7) Finally, it's a good sign when a person is able to stand back and see the whole picture for what it was and what it is. They can finally look back to the relationship, see what they did wrong, see what the other did wrong, see why they were attracted to that particular person, and see why things didn't work. Many times, when we go through the break-ups, we have a very distorted and blurred vision of all these things. Some might tend to blame themselves for everything. Others will blame their ex for all that went wrong. Some will claim that they loved everything about the person and yet, others, will say they didn't like anything about their ex. When someone can finally stand back and look at things from almost a non-biased outsider's perspective, then, most likely, they have gotten over the ex and are ready to date again.

There you have it, seven very important signs in telling if you're over that ex or not. If there are a few that you know you've experienced, but others that you haven't yet, that's still good. That means that things are progressing and with time, love, and support, you will experience the finalities of all seven signs mentioned above and will be ready to move on and date again.