Haggard Gone Straight

That's right, after just three weeks of treatment at a holy clinic, Pastor Ted Haggard is now a 100% straight man. That's right! No more "massages" between he and a male prostitute he paid. No more drugs he bought to be thrown in the trash! Nope, Ol' Ted, after three weeks, does not find males sexually attractive in the same light that heterosexual males find women attractive.

Does anyone else find this hard, I'm sorry, impossible to believe? We're supposed to believe a homosexual pastor overcame his sexual attraction toward males in three weeks? What was the secret potion, scripture, drug, electric shock therapy? Did the clinic pull a Clockwork Orange by strapping Haggard to a movie theater seat and keeping his eyes open as the Village People's music played to the scenes of war, murder, rape, and other acts of violence? Did a bottle of everclear do it? A short 2-minute prayer? Oh Teddy. Where are the oddsmakers for this one? When Haggard will again get caught with a male prostitute "masseuse"... I'm betting within a year. But, no, I won't put any money down on it.