Ever love and dislike a person simultaneously?

A family member? A longtime friend? Ever felt this way? This odd ambivalent emotion has dawned on me recently and its presence is more strongly felt by the day.

There's nothing I can do about it at this given point in time. I'm stuck with being surrounded by this person's thoughts, feelings, words, and behaviors on a consistent basis. If I open my mouth and let it be known how I feel, all hell will break loose.

I just cannot stand to talk to or even be around this person for an extended period of time. There needs to be a pain reliever nearby when I'm around this individual, because there is an 80% chance that I will develop a pounding headache.

At the same time, if this person was caught in a train track, I'd push them out of the way to save their life. Yet, as my soul was being transferred elsewhere, I'd probably look down, wondering why in the world I did that.

This person is just all about him/herself. It's always "me, me, me" and it's never enough. If they won a $5 million lottery, they'd complain about it not being $6 million. If they won a prize for a free trip to the Caribbean, they'd complain that it wasn't to Hawaii. Yet, when he/she's not complaining, venting, whining, or ranting about something going on in his/her life, they're going on and on like an Energizer Bunny about how great, wonderful, and perfect they are.

"So and so said I'm great."

"They said I've got real talent."

"He said that I'm the best he's ever witnessed."

"She said I was hot."

That's all it is. There is never any back and forth conversation. Never does he/she show candor when asking friends or family about their lives, if he/she even asks at all.

Even if I try to go out of my way to have a decent discussion with the kid, he/she doesn't allow it to happen. If I make any statement, they have to argue about it, even if it's a fact. If I were to say that the capital of North Dakota is Bismarck, they'd argue about it, until I would finally just shrug my shoulders, roll my eyes, and say, "Whatever you say." But, if (s)he says anything, then it's to go unattested. They could pull false numbers right out of their backside and since they're the "genius" that they are, no one is to question them. Heck, (s)he told me about a "study" one time where (s)he claimed 70% (somewhere around there) of the crime in this country is committed by African-Americans, another 60% (somewhere in there) is committed by Latino-Americans, and 10% is committed by Anglo-Americans. Let's see here...70 + 60 + 10 = 140%. Now, I've heard the cliched coach's expression of giving 110%, but an empirical study, which calculates an additional 40% to the population? I don't think so. Where'd (s)he find those numbers, some White Pride's version of the National Enquirer magazine? Give me a break. Yet, no one's to question him/her, because he/she is basically the second coming of Christ in their eyes.

His/her values are at an opposite end of the spectrum to mine. Family and friends come first to me and last to them. My goal in life is to positively influence others. Theirs is to convince everyone in the world that they're the brightest, sexiest, best person ever to walk the green earth. I just don't know how much longer I can tolerate the selfishness, ego-centrism, and arrogant ignorance.

I do apologize for being so vague when it comes to this person's identity. I'm not sure if he/she reads this blog, but can't imagine they do (take time out for someone else? Ha!). Like I said before, I just don't want to create drama and I know that'll happen if this is outed in any way. I just hope I don't burst sometime down the line. There are few people in this world who know how to push my buttons to a point of making me angry, and this is one of those few people. I just hope and pray that I catch a break in the next year, so that I can move far away from this and so that I may not be consistently stuck hearing/watching this person's thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.