I've noticed a trend among women I reject - They spread their legs to the public.

In the past couple weeks, I've learned of two women whom I rejected becoming, for lack of a better word, sluts. In fact, this trend can be seen as much as 9-10 years ago, but especially of late it seems.

From about May of '09 to September of '10 (16 months), I was talking to one gal, we'll call her Medusa, pretty regularly. When I flew to Omaha in July and again in August of 2010, she and I spent quite a bit of time together. She claimed to want to start a relationship with me and at one point, while drunk, she asked me to go get some condoms from her purse. No, she wasn't strange and wanted to snack on some latex, but yes, she had a fetish for removing her clothing and spreading her legs as I soon discovered. She and I weren't dating and in the grand scheme of things, hadn't hung out very much, so that moment made me rather uncomfortable. I rejected her easy access request and asked that she sober up and take me home, because of course, she was my ride and that was the only riding she was going to do that night. After that very evening, she and I began drifting apart. I stopped calling her as much, stopped writing her as much and had my mind made up that I didn't care to associate with her much anymore, let alone date her.

Not long ago, I learned from a friend that Medusa was looser than a toilet seat after being sat on by a sumo wrestler for 36 consecutive days. I guess while she was attempting to persuade me in dating her, she slept with six different guys and on two occasions, had to take the morning-after pill, due to her not being responsible the night before. Typically, these adult missionary sleepovers followed me telling her I wasn't sure what I felt or that I didn't think I felt anything stronger than a friendship. So I wasn't even rejecting her so to speak, just saying that I didn't know and this prompted her to know a man's penis better. Sorry, I should pluralize that - men's penises. There, that is the more accurate assessment. All I can say is thank Valtrex I didn't do anything with her. I'm gagging now having just typed that.

That brings me to the more recent of the two stories. I heard this just yesterday, which persuaded me to write this blog in the first place, because if it happens just once, it's probably just a coincidence, but if it happens again, then it may be time to ponder about the whorish ways of those one has rejected. This woman, I'll pretend her name is Nikita, has been "friends" off and on with me for about 10 years. I place "friends" in quotes because she hasn't been the most reliable of people in those 10 years, not the most consistent and when looking back, I see her more as an acquaintance and counseling patient than a genuine friend. Obviously my free-of-charge psychological evaluation(s) didn't benefit her much. Nikita has had a thing for me ("thing" being ambiguous, I'm sure) these past 10 years or so she claims. Each and every time she has brought up the idea of dating or of something physical/sexual, I've said no. Yet she will come back 6-12 months later and bring up the same tired routine, "So, if I like go up to you in a crowded library, take off all my clothes, give you a condom and start moaning, will you stick your thing into my thing?" Okay, so she wasn't THAT eloquent with her wording, but it presents a very similar message.

Nikita divorced Rover about 12-18 months ago, I'd say. She dated one jerk, Maximus, off and on for about a year. After all three of their break-ups, she called me to cry, vent and like a silly psychology major, I listened to this half-friend and gave her constructive feedback. Yes, I'm too nice sometimes, perhaps not as nice as Mister Rodgers on marijuana, but nice enough. After all three of these break-ups and after my listening to her and giving her feedback on the matter, she'd bring up the non-redundant idea of dating and/or sleeping together. One time, she called and after hello, she said, "You know, I think we should have sex." Ah yes, hello to you too and no. She was persistent. I will have to give her that. But after having gone through this with her time and again, I think there may be a very fine line between persistence and insanity.

Just recently, after I began picking up communication with someone I've liked for a good three years now, we'll call her Miranda, she again asked about my dating status. While technically I am single, I am interested in someone and until she flat out tells me that she's not interested, I'm not going to lose all hope on the matter and attempt to send my heart to another destination. When I relayed this news upon Nikita, she was none too pleased, said she felt like crying and thought I should give her a chance instead of Miranda. I had to politely decline (again) and wished her the best of luck in finding herself a good guy.

We then chatted the following week and Miranda was brought into the conversation again. I had sent her a package of personalized gift items earlier in the week, to which she responded very positively and after describing the gifts and the poem I had written for her for Valentine's Day, Nikita said, "Wow, that sounds really awesome. I've said it all along. You're the perfect man and I stand by that today." Flattering? Partially. It'd be more flattering if it was said by a person not wanting to get down my pants (yes, I know I probably sound like a woman there) and hum Isaac Hayes' "Shaft".

Just yesterday, she e-mailed me and told me the story of her dating life in the past couple months. From Monday, February 14th through Tuesday, she and one Paulie spent some quality time together. When I mean quality, I mean deep (well maybe, size does matter in this case) conversations like this, "Hey baby, front or back this time? Yeah, I've got my rub-a-dub-dub. I'm ready. Let's do this...again!" He then left after those two days by telling her he didn't feel a connection (outside of the penal-vaginal kind) and that he didn't see much of a future for the two of them. She then told me how she's dated 10 different guys in the past couple months and with all 10 guys, things ended similarly. So what does she have planned for this upcoming weekend? Three more dates!

I find these two women's persistence on getting me to sleep with them rather hilarious, because they both knew that unless I'm officially dating a woman, feel a strong trust and bond with her and see the potential for something very long-term, there's no chance in hell (or Iowa) that I will sleep with them. They also knew how long it's been since I've engaged in that sort of thing, due to being used and cheated on before (again, yes, I may sound like a woman there). Perhaps they felt I was all talk and as a guy, it was just my way of manipulating them into doing the deed of touching each other's naughty parts. In any case, I really have to wonder what was going through their minds after being rejected each and every time by a male for sex. Well, I hate to go, but I think I'm going to celebrate my rejection of STD's by smoking a cigarette.