A Survivor

Ever see a film or read a book that was so similar to a previous life event, that it felt real? Ever felt that those events were actually taking place in that film or book? That you were the main character in the story? I, unfortunately, had this experience just last night, while watching the film "Mysterious Skin."

Because this film was independent, and therefore, did not receive much publicity, I will give a brief summary of the story. It revolves around two 8-year old boys, who are teammates on a Little League team. Neither kid has much of a father figure. The head coach sees that and takes full advantage of the situation and the boys. He sexually abuses them on multiple occasions and their lives are never the same because of it. One boy, Neil, who has already noticed his attraction towards the same gender before the incidents, goes on to be an 18-year old male prostitute. His feelings and emotions are numbed and sex becomes nothing but a business to him. The other boy, Brian, blocks out the incidents and starts to wonder if he was abducted by aliens. He keeps to himself, is asexual, and focuses only on his studies and on the five hours he lost when he was 8-years old. The only person Neil tells is his best friend Penny. The first time both Neil and Brian honestly admit what happened is when they find one another ten years later. The ending provides for some hope, but as the story suggests, some of these wounds will never fully heal.

It'd be a very difficult film for most people to sit through, but it was especially difficult for me. I could relate to so many things in the film, it felt, at times, that they were telling my story. As were the boys in this film, I too was sexually abused at 8-years old. Like in the film, the predator was an older male who knew the family. Just like the predator in the movie, the man who abused me lured me in by being the babysitter, playing video games, and attempting to make me feel at ease and comfortable with him. I could relate to both characters on different levels. I blocked out the incident for a few years after it happened. I was threatened if I told anyone, so I kept my lips sealed. I had constant nightmares about the event and the abuser for years, just like Brian, in this film, had. When I started receiving flashbacks in middle school, I took on the role of Neil and became numb and indifferent to the world. I didn't come out with it until just 2-3 years ago, when I was 22. Fourteen years lapsed between the encounter and my finally coming out with everything. Some family members of mine are still in denial about the whole situation, or perhaps, they just feel I'm making it up. But, even though that day was approximately 14 years ago, I can remember it like it was yesterday and it is something I will never forget.

Seeing the after-effects of the characters in the film was especially difficult, because I know all too well about these after-effects. The nightmares. The flashbacks. The numbness. The indifference. The fear. The paranoia. The isolation. I can see the effects it has had on me, 16-17 years later. There are reasons why I trusted females more than males growing up. There are reasons why I was not comfortable with being physical or sexual with another person. There are reasons why I always tried to put others before myself. I was only 8-years old, so I was too young to really know what was going on, but I knew what I felt- fear. My conscience told me something was very wrong. I shook. I became frozen. Being threatened, the only thing I worried about was my life, so I obeyed. After that day, I promised myself to always be there for others and to do all in my power to prevent it from happening to anyone else. This has had its pros and cons. While, I'm always known as the nice guy, the one who will be there whenever someone needs help, I'm also that guy who gets taken advantage of a great deal.

I have not seen the man since the incident, yet I can never forget his face. That afternoon back in the summer of '89, my innocence was lost and my childhood vanished. One reason why I love kids so much is the fact they bring back a piece of that childhood. Children are precious and it makes me break out into tears every time I hear that a child had to endure something similar as myself. I've told myself since the incident that if what happened to me was a sacrifice for another child getting the same kind of treatment, then I'd be willing to accept that. No child deserves that. Nobody deserves that kind of mistreatment, but especially an innocent, helpless child.

I waited far too long to come forward to others about what happened and that'll have its negative consequences. Anyone out there who has suffered from similar abuses (or know someone who has), please don't commit the same mistakes I did. Tell the authorities as soon as you can and get help as soon as possible. You were not at fault. You were the victim of a sick and odious crime. There are people out there who can help. You're not alone. For parents out there, please be very careful who you trust to take care of your children. Children deserve to be kids. They deserve to enjoy their childhood. Once that childhood is lost, there's never going back.