Another Date Story

I can't say I'm proud of these date stories, but the more I look back at them, the more I shake my head and laugh at how ridiculous and funny they were. Sometimes, they're even difficult for me to believe. I already shared the two about "Figure skating girl" and "Mother Theresa," as they'll be forever remembered by me. I have one other story. This one occurred during my first year of college, so six plus years ago. In the story, I'll refer to this gal by the name of Karen.

In my first year of college, I took a creative writing course. It was a tiny class with only ten students and about half showed up on a daily basis. The nice thing about that small class was the fact that the students got to know one another better than they would have in a class of fifty or sixty. After a while, two guys in the class, John and Jeff, claimed they knew a gal that would be a great match for me. I was very tentative at first, but they wouldn't stop talking about her.

"She's so hot man." "You've got to meet her." "She models." "She's top in her class." "She's into rock music like you are." "We guarantee you'll like her."

After hearing this for a while, I shrugged my shoulders and thought, eh, what the heck. So, they set us up and we decided to meet at a park to walk and talk. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, so we thought it was a good idea to enjoy it. It'd give us the opportunity to get some exercise and get to know one another. Five minutes into the walk-and-talk session, I wanted to head back to my car.

Keep in mind, this was the first time we met. One of the first things she says to me was, "Gosh Craig, don't I look hot? Doesn't this outfit look great on me? I was putting it on, saw myself in the mirror and said, 'Dang girl, you've got it going on!'" I kid thee not. That's what she said. I can only imagine my facial expression when I heard that. One of the next things she said was, "I went to this party last night and so many guys wanted me. I got so many of their phone numbers, but I don't want any of them, because I have you." Again, this was the first time we met. Rule #1- Don't make a statement about commitment to a guy on the first date, especially if it's the first time the two have met. She then went on and on about her modeling, how she owned over 100 pairs of shoes, about how hot she was. ::yawns:: It got old very fast. I like confidence. It's very nice to be around a person who believes in themselves, but she was going overboard, and that's an understatement.

At first glance, I admit, she was fairly attractive, but the more I talked to her or I should say, listened to her, the less attractive she appeared. I also noticed some odd odors in the air. One of those happened to be body odor. Right when I smelled that, I panicked, and when she looked elsewhere, I did a quick check to make sure it wasn't me and I'm happy to say, it wasn't. But, unfortunately, I'm not happy to say, it was her! She also tried covering that smell up by globbing I don't know how many bottles of perfume on herself. I don't mind a little bit, but too much makes my sinuses go crazy. It was a sneezing fit just waiting to happen. Unfortunately, even these two odors weren't the worst that she possessed. After a little while, I noticed the odor of a skunk, after spraying. I was about to say something, but my gut told me not to and thank God for that! As I soon realized, the stench grew stronger whenever her face turned towards mine. That's right, it was her breath! I about gagged. I actually did a couple times. She asked if I was allright and of course, I said, "Oh, yes, of course."

It was perfect, this "Oh so hot genius model" liked to play the role of the airhead, broke rule #1 in the dater's manual, sounded conceited like I'd never heard, and she reeked to high heaven. The walk-in-talk seemed to last for days. When it finally ended, I walked her to her car and she wanted to kiss. I can only imagine the look on my face there, but I played it nice with a simple cop out, "I don't kiss on first dates." She claimed to respect that and we then went our separate ways.

I had a few words with John and Jeff that next week in class. The first words that came out of their mouths were, "So, how'd the date go? We told you she's hot, huh?" I then broke the news about all that happened and how sensitive my sense of smell is. They apologized and that was the end of my time with Karen or "Skunk girl," as she may also be known by.