Carlin did NOT write this...

I received an e-mail tonight that was supposedly a rant by comedian George Carlin. It should be known that the person who forwarded this to several others is a hard-core Republican. I will quote what the e-mail claimed Carlin said.

"I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already!

I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry rear if you're running from them..

I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

And no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, ! I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what is going on with gas prices... again?

I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the politicians think.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back!

We NEED GOD BACK IN OUR COUNTRY!

I would rather live my as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, Than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

Okay, now what does that sound like? A George Carlin ranting? Or a hard-core Republican's ranting? I'll go with the latter over the former.

It isn't even funny. It's a rant. Rants typically aren't humorous. If I were to go off on the Bush Administration, it would get some people nodding (71% of the population) and others shaking their heads furiously (29% of the population), but I doubt that there'd be much laughing throughout the piece.

I'm sorry, but any idiot who has followed Carlin's work through the years would know that these words were not spoken or written by the comic. Let's analyze this point by point.

"I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way!" Okie dokie. That could be relevant to either side of the political spectrum, but I find that hard-core righties are more prone to saying this. Just look at Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Ann Coulter.

"I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American." I have no idea where Carlin stands on the gun debate, but I've never heard or seen him make remarks about it one way or the other. If he did make a remark about it, it'd have nothing to do with being a smart American. He'd twist it to make a sick joke that one would have to laugh at. Again, this comment sounds like a hard-core righty.

"I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything." Just look at the current debate. Who wants to build that gate along the Mexican border more than anybody else? Hard-core righties. Again, I've never heard Carlin make any remarks regarding this topic.

"I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English." This is linked with the previous comment. It deals with minorities and immigration. I've seen Carlin live twice, read all of his books, and seen all of his live performances on television, and have never heard him comment on this. In fact, if anything, he revolves many of his jokes around the English language and how some of our words and phrases just don't make sense. He'll joke about cliche's. But, never have I heard him rant about minorities in this country whose primary language isn't English. Again, like the last comment, it sounds like a ranting hard-core Republican.

"I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to." At first glance, this looks to be a fairly open-minded and broad statement, where it could pertain to any group of people, regardless of their religion or ethnic background. But, looking at it more closely, one will see that it mainly deals with Christian prayer in school. Again, this is a hard-core righty statement. Carlin is not a religious man. He's made fun of the notion of religion and God numerous times.

"My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer." I have no idea about this statement. It's a statement that seemingly doesn't belong with these others, although, maybe I'm missing something or there's something I don't know in regard to these four specimens.

"I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor." Not a Carlin-esque statement. It's not funny. It's a rant line, and again, an angry righty's rant line.

"I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time watching or arguing about it." This is similar to the line about Wayne, Ruth, Rogers, and Springer. I'm not sure where this one is going. Who knows, maybe this person is cleverly trying to compare Democrats to wrestling, claiming that they're fake, so one shouldn't waste their time watching or arguing about them.

"I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already!" Again, very hard-core righty. It's a statement to minorities, stating that they had nothing to do with their past hardships, so leave them alone about it! Again, not funny.

"I believe if you don't like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country! This is AMERICA." This is oddly worded, because, at first glance, it appears that it may be speaking out against dissent. But, looking more closely, it's speaking to minorities who migrate to this country and telling them, if they don't like it here, to go back to where they migrated from and change things there. So, again, it's a righty's rant about minorities and immigration. It's more like a Limbaugh or Coulter line than Carlin.

"I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?" Never have I heard George Carlin mention Jesse Jackson. He doesn't get into rants about celebrities. He won't go off on Clinton, Bush, Jackson, Cruise, or Springer. He's not like that. But, I have heard many Republicans go off on Jesse Jackson.

"I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry rear if you're running from them.." Another righty-type comment. Carlin has made some twisted jokes about pay-per-viewing killings, the killings being done in a creative manner, and for there to be the opportunity to win money on the killings. That's how Carlin will twist a joke regarding the topic of the death penalty. He won't just up and say that cops have the right to shoot a person if they run.

"I also think they have the right to pull you over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are." This is an ignorant line. Only a naive' fool wouldn't believe what truly goes on with racial profiling. Yet again, this is a hard-cord righty line. It's not Carlin. He doesn't run a ring-wing political talk show.

"And no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.... and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, ! I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years." This comment dives into two issues at once, religion and minorities/immigration. So, yet again, it's a ring-wing comment. Carlin doesn't believe in God. He thinks religion is ridiculous. Just watch his stand-up specials, see him live, and read his books if you don't believe me. He stated on an HBO special not too long ago that he now worships the sun, because the sun warms the earth, makes things grow, and can be seen. So, in Carlin's mind, I'm sure he'd be content if the word "Sun" was written on his money.

"I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should be targets." Where's the joke? Where's the punchline? There is none. It's another conservative rant line.

"I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents." What does this actually point to? It could be a couple things. Latinos are more collectivistic than Anglos, so it is not uncommon for their families to live with one another until death do they part. It could also deal with African-Americans and how, since there are many single mothers taking care and raising the child(ren), the rest of the family has to get involved, so she can work and do whatever else she has to do in order to make a living and support both she and her child(ren). So, yet again, it is directed toward minorities, so, it is yet again a right-wing rant.

"And what is going on with gas prices... again?" What's this comment about? Is this the one liberal statement to try and throw everyone off and so hard-core righties can point to this one line and say, "See? It's really Carlin! It's not some Neo-Conservative like you thought!" Yeah, whatever. If I have to answer 100 questions on a test and I get one wrong, what, is that one wrong answer going to prove that I didn't know the material? No, I'll get a 99% and an A+ on the exam.

"I believe 'illegal' is illegal no matter what the politicians think." This good be directed in a number of directions. It could be taken very generally, generalizing that members of both parties commit illegal acts (which would be truthful). It could point in the direction solely of the Clinton Administration. It could solely point in the direction of the Bush Administration. It could be attacking liberals in government on their definition of "illegal," in terms of aliens. Overall, I think this statement may lean more toward the right than the left, but I'll be fair and say that it's pretty balanced.

"I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed in AMERICA!" When has Carlin ever said something about that? About flags, in general, let alone droning on about how the American flag should be the only one permitted in this country? Never! Again, it's a line made by a hard-core Republican.

And then the rest of it reads: "If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American. If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know. We need our country back! We NEED GOD BACK IN OUR COUNTRY! I would rather live my as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, Than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

Never would George Carlin speak or write these words, especially concerning God. I have nothing against people's religious beliefs, so long as they don't harm themselves or others. But, Carlin himself does not believe in God. He'd only believe in God if he could see him/her/it for himself and he can't, so he doesn't believe. So, yet again, this is a conservative ranting.

George Carlin has made jokes about how he doesn't vote on election day, because he sees no point in doing so. He's joked about how ridiculous it is to believe in, talk to (pray), and worship and invisible man up in the sky (God). He's dwindled the Ten Commandments down to two. He's come up with thousands of raunchy words (I have proof on a shirt I bought at a gig of his). He's poked fun at the English language time and time again, along with Americans, such as the baby boomers or cashier's who tell you to "Have a nice day."

Carlin's not a hard-core righty or lefty. He doesn't get much into politics with his comedy shows. Who's his favorite new comic? Lewis Black and if anyone has ever seen Mr. Black, they know he is anything but a hard-core conservative. He'll dive into politics and tear apart both parties, especially the one's in power currently (Bush, Cheney, and company).

Even Carlin had this to say on his official website, "Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me. Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it."

Want more proof? Go to the Urban Legends Reference Pages. Here's what it states: "Just about any unsourced list of witty observations about our politics and social mores gets credited to humorist George Carlin these days, even when it doesn't really sound like anything he would write. Carlin may sometimes use the format of stringing together a few dozen pithy comments about a wide variety of topical subjects, but the tone of his humor is nothing like this reactionary piece. If any doubt remained, Carlin himself swept it away by announcing on his web site that he is not the author of the article.

If not Carlin, then who did write it? This piece has also been credited to a number of decidedly conservative, outspoken media figures, such as rock star Ted Nugent, talk radio host Rush Limbaugh, and actor-comedian Denis Leary, but the even if the article may seem to echo the political opinions of these men, it doesn't quite match any of them, nor does the language used sound quite right for any of these figures. (Leary, like Carlin, has been credited with creating some other Internet favorites, such as a vituperative discourse on e-mail chain letters and the "Are You Man Enough?" essay.

The essay quoted at the head of this page appeared in the FreeRepublic.com on-line forum back in September 2000 under the title "I Am a Bad Republican" (picking up title changes and additions since then as it was forwarded around the Internet), and the person who posted it there has taken credit for it in another message in that same forum, stating that he wrote it in response to list sent to him by a Democrat friend about how to be a 'good Republican.'"

Whomever did it needs to learn how to type and needs to learn not to label their work as someone else's.

Links:
http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/home.html
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/carlin.asp