The Story of the Flaky Woman

I've had some odd dates in my day that have made for some pretty good stories. In fact, when I write or talk about them, it's hard for me to believe that they're not fictitious sometimes. One gal pretended that she was figure skating around the house for a couple hours while I sat on the couch wondering what in the heck she was doing and why she was doing it. I was set up with a gal who collects mannequins, compared my betting $10 which won $550 to gambling away a home, and thought I needed to go to AA meetings after I admitted that I had two alcoholic beverages in the previous four months. One of the first things a model I was set up with said was, "Don't I look hot in this? I looked at myself in the mirror when I was putting it on and said, 'Damn girl, you've got it going on!'" One gal attempted to cover up her cheating on me at a church camp by claiming that we needed to break up, so she could put God #1 in her life. One gal kissed like the Romanian at the end of the movie "Dodgeball." One blurted out that she wanted to have sex with me at a park in the middle of the day. This was our second date. Yeah, so I've been on some very strange dates and set up with some oddballs. But, like I said, they can make for good stories. If I had my choice between a great date and relationship or one that ends before it even starts and gives me something funny to talk about, I'd take choice A over choice B each and every time. But, that just hasn't happened. Over the past 2-2 1/2 weeks, I've run into another odd occurrence when it comes to my dating life.

I met a girl, we'll call her Jessie, at a party a friend of mine had almost three weeks ago. Right when we were introduced to one another, I was immediately attracted to her. We were paired up for a game that evening and she seemed to be quite fun, as well. Later on, she got to talking about psychology (was my major in college) and that got my ears perking. So, she seemed fun, humorous, kind, intelligent, and attractive. I noticed all this in just the first night. The day after the party, I checked out myspace and went to invite her as a friend. It was just my luck. She had a private account, so I couldn't do that. But, I checked my mail later and she had invited me as a friend and written me a short e-mail. So, life was good. It was obvious to me that she enjoyed my company that previous night. We continued to write one another back and forth throughout the week and met up again at another party my friend had on Friday. There was more flirting going on this time around, especially coming from her. I'm even bad at reading people's flirting with me, but even I could read this, it was that obvious! She gave me quite a number of compliments that night, initiated the hug as I was about to walk out the door, and things seemed to be heading in the right direction, from my perspective. We seemed to click, have a solid chemistry, and a mutual attraction toward one another.

That next week, we began writing one another even more than the previous one. She started texting me and we swapped phone numbers and began calling one another. All is going well, right? Well, she was unable to make the party on Friday night, which kind of bummed me out, but she and I decided to meet up on Sunday night after she got a few things done for school. There weren't any awkward silences. She seemed happy to be there, for the most part. Heck, we met up at 10:00 pm on a Sunday night, so we didn't have too many choices on where we could go to chat. It was either Village Inn or IHOP. I told her that the VI's closed at midnight and IHOP was 24 hours. She sounded excited when I noted that IHOP was open 24 hours and she said, "Oh really? So, do you want to go to IHOP?" I said sure and we met up there at 10. Naturally, because of the tone of her voice when saying that, I thought she expected us to be there until after midnight. She wanted to study later for a final on Tuesday, but if she truly wanted to get back at a certain time, wouldn't VI have been the better choice, so we could've gotten kicked out at midnight? But no, she wanted to go to a place that was open 24 hours.

She talked about school a great deal, about certain guys who annoyed her, about potential summer plans, about potential travel plans, football, etc. Yeah, she dominated the conversation. I finally noticed something that night that I didn't notice the first two times we met- she doesn't ask questions. I attempted to show interest by listening, giving good eye contact, giving feedback, and asking questions to illustrate that I was paying close attention to what she was saying. But, she never returned the favor. If I'd ask her about her day, she's just answer the question and that's where that topic would end. If I asked her about where she's traveled to outside the U.S., she'd answer and that's where that topic would fall flat on its rear-end. She talked, I questioned, and then she talked some more. I didn't notice that as much the first couple times we met, because there were so many other people around, who got involved in discussions.

Throughout the week(s), she'd mentioned to me that she thinks I'm "superhot," kind, witty, funny, smart, "so awesome," etc. When I asked her out sometime, she said that we should "definitely hang out more." When I see or hear the words "'hang out," I just think of the guys and I sitting around and watching football. I visualize those terms as coinciding with a friendship-type relationship. But, she followed up on those words by suggesting that we go ice skating sometime and on top of that, noted that she had never gone ice skating before. First off, I don't think too many straight male and female friends go ice skating all too often, especially if one has never gone before. I see that as more of a dating atmosphere, because, let's face it, there's going to be a lot of falling down, helping back up, holding onto, etc. There's going to be a lot of physical contact involved. So, just the way she worded all that perplexed me some. She also mentioned a movie she thought we should see and even mentioned about traveling outside the country.

So, back to the "date," if you want to call it that. As the clock approached 11:30, Jessie said that she had to get back to study. So, I asked the waiter for the bill. All we had were caffeinated beverages and all I had on me was a $10, so I gave the waiter the $10 and awaited my change. All the drinks were gone. It was pretty obvious even to the blind that I was only awaiting my change. I had two drinks which cost a total of $3.50 and dished out a $10. Yeah, it was pretty obvious that was all we (I) were (was) waiting for. Jessie then stood up and said, "I really have to go and study." Shocked by how much of a hurry she suddenly was in, I just said, "Okay then." She then pursued to walk out on me. All she had to do was wait 1-2 minutes, tops, and then I could've walked her out and said our goodbyes. But, no, she just walked out. I can't even remember if we got our goodbyes in. She got up and about raced out of the restaurant. So, there I was, sitting there, waiting for my change that the blind men around me could see, and she darted off to her car, because she "had to study" right then, as opposed to a minute or two later.

I was so puzzled, that I told two friends of mine what happened and both their responses were something like this, "Huh?" My female friend seemed more puzzled than my male friend. Her response was, "I've gone on horrible dates before and I haven't walked out like that." That made me feel special. She then told me that she had heard from another that this Jessie is rather "flaky" when it comes to guys. But, I decided to write Jessie and find out why she really did this and ask why she doesn't seem to show much interest in me by not asking any questions. When I looked back on things, I can't remember her asking any questions the first two times I met her either or through the e-mails we've passed back and forth, or through the texts, or even through the phone calls. While she seemed to take an interest in me in terms of the time she spent trying to communicate with me in some way or another, she showed a lack of interest in the substance of the "communication."

She wrote back and apologized. But, the first thing she wrote was, "About leaving early...I didn't know if you were trying to leave and I had to go back and study." She didn't know if I was trying to leave? What, did she think my butt was glued to the seat? That I wanted to watch the ice melt in my glass? That I wanted to stay and get the waiter's number? I was just waiting for my change, so I could leave a tip and take the rest. I was so bummed by the whole thing, I just left all my money there. The waiter had to of been thrilled. She had to study? Right then? Not at 11:39 or 11:40, but at 11:38? Why in the world did she sound so excited to go to a 24-hour place? She then wrote about how this might be the reason she doesn't have any friends, because she doesn't have the time or the, get this, "cognitive resources" to be a good friend. It's not about quantity of time, but about quality. Leaving a "friend" or whatever she wants to call me while I'm waiting for change on our first time out together does not leave a guy (me, in this case) with a "quality" taste in his (my) mouth. No, the taste becomes bittersweet. "Cognitive resources?" She doesn't have the "cognitive resources" to be a good friend? What? Resources = "the ability to deal with or adapt to a situation." So, let me get this straight. She doesn't have the mental wherewithal to deal with a situation involving another person? Uh huh. She doesn't go to a school by herself. She has to deal with situations involving others on a fairly consistent basis. Then she wrote about how she never intended to hurt me and closed with, "I really don't know what else to say." That deserves a- Wowsers! Oh, wait, I forgot one part. She wrote that she's selfish around this time of year (finals) and always will be! All she can think of is school. Hey, that's fine. But, even during finals week, especially when one is in the early stages of getting to know another, there is room to actually converse and that involves asking questions and getting to know the other better. I'd think that it'd be common sense, but apparently, it isn't for some.

I've written her back since then and she's yet to read the e-mail or respond. But, what's with this girl? Following that first night we met at the party, the only person she's really attempted to stay in touch with since then is me. She seemed to get along with most everyone there, added a few of them to her friend list on myspace, claimed that she'd stay in touch with them, but has written me a good 15 or so times, texted me 5 or so times, called me a few times, and met up with me once. She's yet to do any of that with anyone else from that party. She's hinted to me that she wants me to spend New Year's Eve with her. She invited me over once, but that didn't work out. She's talked about ice skating, watching movies, traveling internationally, complimented me quite a bit, flirted with me, and yet, I have no idea what her intentions are or what she potentially sees me as. She continually talks about this guy, Moses (no, that's not his real name). Typically, she complains when she speaks of him. My friend Lisa saw them together at a party not too long ago and thought they were a couple by how she was acting around him. But, she wrote me and brought his name up when suggesting that we should set he and Lisa's sister up. She claimed that she'd take him along to that second party, but she never did. Why? I don't know exactly. Perhaps, because, she didn't truly want him to date her sister. Perhaps, because, she knew that she may make one of us confused and upset with how she acted around the other. There are numerous possibilities, but from what all she's told me and what all I've heard from others, I really wonder if they have dated or are even dating right now. She's told my friend Lisa, her sister, and others that she'd call back, that she'd call to invite them over for a party, but never did. The only person she's kept in contact with since that first Friday has been me. Ironically enough, not long after she and I met that first time, she added me to her friend list, and we began writing one another back and forth, I checked her page out and saw this comment a friend of her's left which asked how the dating service was treating her. It seems to me that she just used my friend and her parties to meet single guys to potentially "date." Yet, who knows what "dating" means to her.