Drunken Guilt Complex (DGC)

For the first time in 2011, I decided to go out and drink last night. It was the first time I had drank alcohol in the new year (49 days). So, no, I'm not a drunk. However, it seems when I have a few drinks in an evening, there's a 50/50 chance I'll wake up feeling guilty about it. The same was true this morning.

I think it may be due to the fact someone very close to me has a problem with alcohol, so when I do drink, it instills a fear in me that I will one day become like him with regard to my consuming of alcohol. Also, it makes me feel guilty for being like him for even a single evening and that's the last thing I want to do.

I'm typically very happy after I've had a few adult soda pops. I become an exaggerated version of my sober self. But, when thinking back to an alcohol-filled evening, I feel guilt about not fully being myself, from being influenced by a foreign substance. I wasn't drunk, but was dang close and wound up calling someone fairly late. She is usually up until 1 am or so on weekdays and until 2-3 on weekends, so I thought if I called at midnight on a Friday night, she'd definitely be up. She probably was, but I was so paranoid about waking her up, I let the phone ring two full times and on the third ring, I hung up, thinking, "Well, if she's up, by her phone and wants to talk, she can call me back." This didn't happen and I'm probably making a bigger deal about it than I should, but still, I feel bad about it. I also spent more money than I should have. I'm not a beer drinker, so the cocktails I buy are $5-7 a piece, rather than $1-4 and that can add up, especially if one is at a bar for a few hours, which I was.

I think I'd be much more comfortable with drinking a few adult waters every now and again if certain individuals whom are close to me didn't drink so much. It's not my problem; it's theirs. At the same time, however, I don't want to feel like I'm encouraging their alcoholism by partaking in the same activity.

Guilt is a strange feeling to have after a night out at the bars, mainly due to another's bad drinking habit. Whatever it is and why ever it's present, I can't say with 100% certainty, but one thing I know for certain is that I don't like it.