My Singles' Ad...well...sort of...

Hey there. How you doin'? My name is Craig, am roughly 29 years and 359 days old, 6'4'' minus a few inches, weigh in at 156.5 lbs. of pure muscle, with eyes as green as marijuana, hair like that of Brian Williams, a voice like James Earl Jones after sucking on helium and he also possesses very large hands (length and girth).

I like: Watching Hallmark movies while tripping on acid; quizzing George W. Bush on spelling, pronunciations and He-Man; fine dining (Ex. Burger King and Runza); telling pastors, "That's what she said;" impressing women with my mad Boggle, Scrabble and Sudoku skills; taking four left turns around the block and pretending I'm a NASCAR driver; smooth-talking the ladies by utilizing my own book, "A Polish Guide to Make the Ladies Like You and Stuff;" quoting silent films and watching sloths for 24 consecutive hours.

I also believe I read Chinese better than I read women and for the record, the only languages I've learned other than English are Spanglish, Minnesotan and Jive.

Oh, and I like long walks on the beach.