"That Guy!"

You ever know him? He's loud, obnoxious, annoying, yet funny and personable. He's laid-back and claims no one can get to him, yet, he spends most his time with comments and jokes intended to make everyone else uneasy. It's hard to like him, yet hard to despise him. He's the kind of guy that would be fun to go to a party with, yet, not the kind of person you'd want to have a deep long conversation with. He's the talker, fearing no one, or so he says. He has yet to really back that up. His life is not going very well, yet he generally comes across as happy, and he is only able to manage this by insulting those different from him (which is...everybody). If someone near him happens to compliment a person who is "different" from him, he will give them a very odd look, thinking to himself, "What the heck are they talking about?" Do you know this guy? I just met him last night at a get-together a friend of mine was having.

The guy was all over the place. One minute, he'd be happy and personable, just goofing around with people. The next minute, he'd be telling jokes degrading to people of different ethnicities and since no one other than he laughed, he apologized, yet, laughed some more. I made a joking gesture of this lady from a commercial and he freaked out, as I later discovered, he's a homophobe. So, even though I sound, look, and behave nothing like the stereotypical homosexual, he got freaked out for the simple fact that I imitated a woman's gesture from a television commercial. Wow, talk about a touchy subject with him. Thank God my friend Brian wasn't there. Brian is openly gay and well, I could definitely see some kind of fight occur if those two met up. So, where there is an -ist, this guy shall follow. He was like a combination of Bill O'Reilly and Chris Rock.

He is also a heavy drinker and known to use those illegal substances, so his speech isn't exactly coherent. If he and President Bush were to get into a debate, there'd be a migraine epidemic across the country for people who actually watched the thing. He also isn't able to concentrate or focus much. We were all watching the movie "Wedding Crashers" last night and he left four or five times throughout the film to go smoke cigarettes or do whatever he was doing, and would come right back and say, "You know, I'm really disappointed in this film. I think it was raved about just a bit too much. It isn't that funny." I said, "Perhaps you haven't been paying attention much." It isn't some sci-fi murder mystery, where you need to be there every second to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but who knows, if you leave too many times, you may miss out on the biggest laugh of the night. Also, it's hard to keep leaving and coming back during a film and really get into that movie.

At the end of the night, as we were all saying our goodbyes, he told me his life story and said for me to say hi to him next time I bumped into the guy at a sports' bar. Ironically enough, he and I were in the same bar the night before. So, I said, "Yeah, sounds good, I'll wave, say, 'Hey,'" and he was going, "No man, then everyone in the bar will think we're gay." Where that is logical is beyond me. So, if a male waves and says hi to a guy friend of his, who just walked in, then that makes them gay? Didn't he tell me to say hi to him at the place? So, how should I do this? Through morse code? Walkie talkies? A text message? Geez. I never thought I'd meet "that guy," as it is termed, but I did last night and I'm constantly shaking my head just from the thought of it.