"Things Happen"

They're only two words, but these works irk me immensely. I've already written a blog regarding the commonly spoken words, "Everything happens for a reason." That line bothers me some, but not nearly as much as "things happen" does, especially in certain predicaments.

Whether it's intentional or not, those who say, "Everything happens for a reason" are "trying" to be sensitive. It's one of those moments when they're speechless, wordless, don't know what to say, so they reach back for that old line that their parents told them when they were little and fetch it. They may not come across as being too thoughtful or caring, but, deep down, most of the time, they're trying to be sensitive to another's feelings.

"Things happen" is a much shorted, more condensed, direct approach in the advice-giving/listening/conversing world. In certain scenarios, this may be even somewhat appropriate. If a couple breaks up after two to three years and the friend of mine who was involved in the relationship comes up to me and talks to me about things, she may explain that he was obsessed with work, had changed, that they were two different people now, amongst other things. Then, it could work to say, "Well, you know, things happen. It's obvious that you grew up and he didn't. You both sought different things and those ingredients usually don't make for a working relationship." Even then, though, I spoke beyond the "things happen" line, in attempt to be sensitive. If I had just said, "Things happen," then I don't know how it could be construed as sensitive. It's so direct, yet so general, and could be applied to almost any and every situation. "Things happen. Move on." It sounds like a general in the army.

Yeah, if one wants to take the statement literally, yes, things do happen, and unless one wants to sit and rot, then they will literally have to move on in life. But, how can one compare all situations equally? How can one equally compare a hard day's work to being abused for 20 years? "Things happen. Move on." What about rape? One's family dying? Being abused as a child? Are these the same as falling a few cents short of being able to pay for a whopper, fries, and a shake, so one has to settle on buying only two of the three? Does it compare to one missing their favorite program on a certain evening? I'm sorry, but no, it doesn't.

While one moves on in the external world, regardless of the prior events that occurred, it's internally where the true progression (or lack there of) is displayed. Just because I go on a date with someone a few months after a break-up, that doesn't truly mean I'm over the ex and that I've internally moved forward. One can deny those inner feelings all they want to, but the longer that the denial is prevalent, the more extreme the contrast between their inner and outer selves.

When one has gone through something traumatic, it usually doesn't help to just say, "Things happen. Move on." This will only make them feel insignificant and unworthy. One may use the two words "Things happen," if they so choose, but use them very carefully. Illustrate a clear picture to the person you're talking to that you are there for them, do care, and will listen.

"Things happen. Move on" is perhaps the easiest cop-out of any. It doesn't speak and say, "I love you. I'm here for you. Just talk to me and I'll listen." No, all it says is, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got problems. Guess what? Everyone has problems! That's life! Get over it. Shut up about it already!" Yes, Lieutenant Commander General, Sir!